The Weigh In, Week 6

For this week’s The Weigh In, I’m taking the topic of last week’s “Love and the Double Standard” and pushing the envelope a little further here. I know all you readers out there are thinking it, and I know I was too, but I was a little hesitant to post it right up. So instead of just dipping my toe in I’m jumping right into the pool!

Tonight I’m posting some select quotes from other blogs and articles that delve into the double standards of sex and even cheating. I know you’ll be tantalized to read even further so make sure to click on the links to read on further on their respective blogs. Also make sure to comment, cause you know how Love and The Black Woman loves to hear what’s on your mind, so shout it out! Let us know your thoughts on love and sex, a man’s ‘vertical cred,’ and your thoughts on cheating!

Evan Marc Katz talks about the double standard men and women have when finding the right time to jump into a sexual relationship, if it’s too quick or not. Here’s what he has to say:

“This question is a popular one because it comes up all the time. However, there’s no answer, no timetable, no magic bullet that is going to let women know that it’s the right time to have sex. I know one woman who was told by an “expert” to wait 10 dates before sleeping with the man she was dating. The guy dumped her her after 7. Which is perfectly fair. Sex isn’t something you “allow” him to do. It’s something that you share and create together. Hold it out like a carrot for a horse and you’re missing the entire point.” – from Dating and The Double Standard.

Obsidian, writer from the online magazine The Spearhead, wags a finger at women saying that men aren’t the only ones engage in double standards. According to Obsidian, women objectify MORE than men:

“This is a fact, easily proofed by the most casual of observations. How? Simple: height. Women make no bones about not wanting to date a man their own or shorter height. Take a quick spin around the Internet; there you will see Women being quite flippant, and others downright adamant, about rejecting out of hand a Man’s lack of vertical cred. Of course, many of these very same Women will call any Man who judges a Woman’s objective beauty scale to be “objectifying” and the like, and notice, have you ever heard Men en masse deny this? Even more to the point, isn’t it true that Men settle much quicker than do Women, all things being equal?”

And finally: the CHEATING double standard. From the The Honestly Speaking Blog:

“The double standard: Why is that when men cheat the woman almost 90% of the time forgives him and takes him back, but even if the man suspects that she has cheated its curtains for her with no return? I have polled the audience and for some reason men are not able to accept their female in the arms of another man. However they are so quick to jump into bed with another woman who is not their girlfriend/wife. Are women just more forgiving? Or are women just more desperate and don't think there is anything better out there than what they have? So as I was talking to my friend I did let him in on a little secret. The secret is the following if a woman has caught her man cheating there is a HIGH chance that she has now welcomed into her life an equivalent. Now women don’t always cheat physically, but even if she’s entertaining a gentleman for dinner and a movie, that is cheating if she is in a relationship.”

Love and The Black Woman urges you to read on and educate yourself more on the subject of double standards in relationship. We loaded up this week’s The Weigh In with beefed up quotes because we want to get you thinking and get you speaking!

 

Hey all you ladies and gents out there! It's Ms. Loveessence coming in to give her two cents worth of input regarding your (potential) man and his job.

Ladies, do you really want to be happy? 

 

When you decide that you really want to be happy, then the next logical question becomes: what will make you happy?

 

Would a guy who has a prestigious career in medicine, law, business, entertainment, or sports necessarily make you happy? I think that answer is a resounding NO.

 

A  man who has money and high social-standing may allow you to enjoy certain luxuries and allow you to feel a certain degree of gratification when you discuss him with others, but those types of experiences are NOT the true sources of happiness.

 

On the other hand, a man who works at Starbucks may provide you with the kind words, emotional support, passionate love-making, patient understanding, intriguing conversations and other experiences that will really enrich your life even more than a padded bank account.

 

It's not the job, ladies. Let's judge a man by the type of love he can give us and not by the title that hangs from his office door, or his name tag.

Love and The Double Standard

"Mocha-what?"

Let’s be real here, there are double standards in relationships that we don't like to admit.  Many people in society applaud a man who dates a gorgeous woman who is "finding herself" while they deride a woman who dates a handsome man who is unemployed.

Recently Love and the Black Woman came across an article at the Very Smart Brothas online magazine, discussing the Clutch Magazine piece “But He Works at Starbucks!”
 I’m sure you can figure out what they’re talking about. It’s a gender-based double standard that creeps into every relationship: your significant other’s J.O.B.

God forbid the man doesn’t hold such a reputable position (in Clutch Magazines example, her new “boo” worked at Starbucks). Once the man revealed his occupation he was written off almost instantly—and more important, unfairly.

Such closed-mindedness can lead to a sinking apprehension when choosing a mate. Sure he’s not working at some high class law firm or advertising agency, rolling in dough, and spending the weekends driving around Beverly Hills in his Bentley, but at least he is engaging in honest work.

Women seem to be preoccupied with a man's occupation, and higher salaried jobs make men suddenly appear sexier. Is this obsession unwarranted?  Does it lead women to miss out on wonderful opportunities of love? Are there 58-year-old cat worshipers who could avoided such a sad fate had they only been more open minded when it comes to occupations?

Men on the other hand, tend to be less concerned with a woman's career. They may focus on features more--albeit shallow--but they don’t shoot down and wield an apprehension towards “Entry-Levelers” (a psuedonym for people who have less “prestigious” positions).

Our view is that the occupation is not that important in the grand scheme of things. If a man or woman treats you well and there is parity in other ways, and understanding, then the love is worth working on, not just brushing it to the side letting it whither.

What we want to know is whether you have you ever stopped yourself from taking that next relationship step because of the job that they hold down. It could be any position, no position, or an illegal hustle. We just want to hear your story of finding or rejecting love based on occupation.