Women Proposing to Men, Good Idea or Recipe for Disaster?

 

 New trends in 2011 relationships include the emergence of the "Assertive Woman," the woman who does not have to wait for her man to make the first move. The “Assertive Woman” refuses to remain idle as the man that she likes walks right past her.  Instead, the “Assertive Woman” will ask that love interest out on a first date.

This same fearless spirit can also apply to marriage proposals.  We all know or have heard of couples who have been dating for years, or even decades, without tying the knot.  Sometimes a girlfriend’s acts of subtly reading wedding magazines and commenting about other people getting married do not inspire a “commitaphobe” man to act.  2011's "Assertive Woman" is taking matters into her own hands, shattering tradition and getting down on one knee. You might be saying to yourself, "Lord, is that true? I could never imagine taking over the man's role in a relationship." My answer to you?  Yes it is, and it is becoming more and more common practice for the woman to slide an engagement ring (or, according to Fox News, a "management" ring) onto her significant other's finger.

Women have such prominent roles in government, television, business, etc., why not in the relationship when it comes to commitment decision-making?

Do you think that this act taints the idea of proposals by having the woman play the role of man? In your current relationship, has it crossed your mind to be assertive and propose?

Even further, do you believe that a woman who proposes is setting herself up for an unhappy marriage?

Love and the Black Woman wants to know what you think.  Your comments are appreciated.

  

Ms. Loveessence Weighs: Let's Celebrate, Not Denigrate

Ms. Loveessence is here to share her opinion and to give us her hard dose of reality! Here's what she had to say about the big booty craze:

Hey, all! Ms. Loveessence here to let you know what's on my mind!

Yes the big booty craze has gone to far!  For centuries,  black women in the United States of America have been made to feel inferior for their wide hips and protruding buttox.  I'm all for reversing this trend by affirming that beauty can come in all forms. Indeed, we should celebrate the tall lean figure of Alek Wek,the slim but voluptuous figure of Beyonce, and the busty and petite frame of Sherri Shepherd. 

But in my view, music videos that parade scantily clad women shaking rotund rumps to the delight of alpha male rappers commanding them to "drop it like its hot" or show them what "their working wit" do not constitute healthy celebrations of diverse body types. For young impressionable black women, such ideals of female beauty can seem just as unattainable as the images of rail thin blonde blue-eyed models on the pages of Vogue.  Some of these impressionable black women will attempt illegal butt pumping just as others turn to skin bleaching products and colored contacts.  

The situation is sickening. But there is good news.  We are not powerless. Every time that we turn on BET, go to YouTube, or download music we make choices about what stays on air. We should support artists and music videos that support us and our conceptions of black women as beautiful and brilliant multi-faceted people who are worthy of love and admiration, not just sexual objectification.

 

I think that the following R&B video is beautifully sensual and celebrates the black body in a respectful way.  This is what we might want to support.

Like what Ms. Loveessence had to say? Sound off in our comments section. We love hearing all your opinions whether you agree or disagree!

The Weigh In, Week Two

This week's installment of The Weigh In follows up on our article Affirmation or Denigration, Has The Big Booty Craze Gone Too Far? Make sure to click on the links to read more!

"Now a days, it is difficult to turn on MTV or BET without seeing an oiled up butt gyrating on your big screen.  This is predominantly a trend in Hip Hop and Rap music.  Some would argue that this simply a physical expression of exactly what happens in the clubs or at the parties. This is what happens and this is what girls wear, so what is the big deal about having some girls showing off their dance skills when it’s a dance song?  On the other hand, others would argue that this exaggerated and overtly sensual image of women does nothing more than objectify and degrade them in the eyes of very impressionable young viewers." - Unnamed, from the article Hip-Hop Honeys: Object or Goddess, WATTUP. I BLOG. N SHIT.


"During the production of a documentary for BET, which focused on sex and hip-hop, I interviewed a panel of high school students. One of those students, a 15-year-old girl, stated that she was not satisfied with how she looked because she wanted to be like the girls in the videos. After all, the boys want to be with girls in the videos. One of the young men followed up by saying that the girls in the videos were cool to sleep with, but not to take home. In that very brief snippet of conversation, we get a sense of the negative impact that these sexist and misogynistic images have on hip-hop's biggest fans." - Jeff Johnson, from the article 'Cousin Jeff': Don't Blame Hip-Hop for Society's Sexism, 


"It seems all women are represented as sex objects and are used in the videos to purely sell the product. Alongside the suggestive videos are the abuse song lyrics that usually suggest that women are only good for one thing, and we all know what that is! [...] This may all seem harmless on the surface; however do you not think that this may have some influence on the younger generation?" - Lily Bond, from the article Objectification of Women, Bond's Blog.


“Girls do what they see in videos,” a black, pre-teen girl said in the film. “If I can get skinny, dress, and dance like that, I can be in videos too. Hip hop influences the way these young women perceive themselves and their importance in relationships.The negative image of women in these videos has got to do something to their self-esteem."- Tamika Guishard, from the article Feminists Call For Hip-Hop Reform, The University of Chicago Magazine.


Don't forget to comment on this week's subject, both in The Weigh In and our original post! Love and the Black Woman wants to hear all your opinions!

Affirmation or Denigration, Has the Big Booty Craze Gone Too Far?

Victim Claudia Aderotimi

The objectification of women in hip-hop videos has lead to societal pressures to "enhance," or surgically alter, a woman's appearance---sometimes leading to deadly consequences.

Dancer and aspiring rapper Claudia Aderotimi believed that a bigger 'booty' would help her land more hip hop music video gigs. Believing this would put her on the fast track to her dreams, Claudia left the UK for Philadelphia, USA to undergo her second round of illegal butt enhancement shots that would hours later prove to be fatal. 


Instead of the medical silicone (used for breast implants), industrial silicone (used for caulking bathroom tubs and tile) was injected into her backside. Shortly after the procedure, she developed intense chest pains and struggled for breath. Doctors confirmed that the silicone filling had leaked into Aderotimi's blood stream causing heart failure.  Sadly Ms.Aderotimi was not the first, and we fear she may not be the last person to die for the sake of bigger bottom.


We have all seen the music videos filled with the popping, shaking, jiggling, pumping and jumping that only the finest of behinds could champion. Celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce and Nicki Minaj  are just a few of the women with glorified derrieres that have taken the world by storm and while we like big butts and we cannot lie, we wonder if perhaps things have gone too far?

Have we gone to the other extreme? Have we met the same cruel objectification that Sara Baartman, aka the Hottentot Venus, faced on what we thought would be the other/opposite side of the spectrum? For those of you who do not know, Sara was taken from Southern Africa and placed on exhibition, naked and in a cage, throughout France and England for over 5 years. She was paraded as a freak much like a bearded lady of some circus sideshow all because an English ship surgeon wished to publicly display her large buttocks. Sara's "booty" was no symbol of beauty in fact it was the opposite, a symbol of racial inferiority and primitive sexuality. 

One would like to think that once Sir Mix a Lot's "Baby Got Back" won a grammy in 1993, that black women were finally "moving on up"  because our body type was being affirmed.  But in the light of Claudia Aderotimi's death, that same person might question where exactly have we moved to.

What Love and the Black Woman wants to know is how do you feel about these, sometimes deadly, lengths women are willing to go in order to seem more desirable and attractive. Is the voluptuous black woman's body in hip-hop an affirmation or denigration. Please tell us your thoughts, and DON'T hold back.

The Weigh In From Ms. Loveessence

Ms. Loveessence is a friend of mine who will occasionally drop in and post on Love and the Black Woman whenever she feels the need to sound off and bring us unadulterated truth and reality. Here's what Ms. Loveessence had to say:

Hey All! It's Ms. Loveessence here to comment on last weeks blog post on interracial dating and marriage!

There are millions of single beautiful, brilliant, and caring black men who would make excellent life partners.

I disagree that black women should open their minds interracially because of a perceived dearth of good black men.  Good black men are out there!!!!

Black women should be open to dating interracially because finding love, a love that is genuine and meets one's expectations, can be challenging and we shouldn't be frightened off because of it. We don't need to make that quest more challenging by imposing racial requirements.
 
Sisters, there are wonderful men of all races who may be able to provide you with the type of love that you have always dreamed of, if you are open to them.

Ms. Loveessence brings up a good point: that the challenge of finding good black men (YES, they do exist!) can be daunting but you should not give up on that search, nor neglect the other races around you that can give you the love that you crave. Love is out there and for the taking. It's just up to you to open your mind and your heart.

The Weigh In, Week 1

Here are five key quotes from blogs that have written articles on the same issues of interracial dating and marriage that Love and the Black Woman touched on last week. Click on the links provided after the quote to read on.

"Let's get creative and find ways to interact with other ethnicities while still preserving and sharing our own individual cultures." - Sarah Rafique, from the article Interracial Society Versus the Preservation of Culture, Sarah Rafique (n):.

"Unlike the girls in 'Hairspray,' it seems that many black women would prefer to be single than to become a 'checkerboard chick.'" - Marina Adshade, from the article Why There Aren't More Interracial Couples,  Big Think

"By insisting that any white man she dates be a 'Tim Wise', she can deflect any accusations that she has 'sold out' by dating/marrying white, “forgot where she came from” and all the other nonsensical foolishness sometimes hurled at IR married black women." - Unnamed, from the article Waiting For Superman, On My Mind.

"My observation has been that black men are not trying to carry the entire survival of the black race on their backs. However, some of us ladies are still beating that drum. I’m specifically speaking to women who are not exercising all of their dating/mating options and NOT to those who have moved past this point in their life’s journey." - Miss Pinky, from the article Racial Loyalty - Truth or Fiction?, Black Girls Rock It!

"Due to increasing interracial marriages, multiracial Americans are a small but fast-growing demographic group, making up about 5 percent of the minority population. Together with blacks, Hispanics and Asians, the Census Bureau estimates they collectively will represent a majority of the U.S. population by mid-century. Still, many multiracial people — particularly those who are part black — shun a “multi” label in favor of identifying as a single race." - Hope Yen, from the article Melting Pot? Interracial Marriages Growing at a Slow Pace, Orlando Sentinel Blog.

Post your thoughts in the comments section. Love and the Black Woman wants to hear what you think about these fabulous blogs' opinions!

Should Black Women Consider Dating and Marrying Inter-Racially?

"Karyn Langhorne Folan, author of "Don't Bring Home a White Boy: And Other Notions That Keep Black Women From Dating Out," encourages single black women to date and marry inter-racially.

Many social commentators have observed that it's hard for a young, educated black woman to find a black man with the same educational level to marry because pickings are slim. Karyn Langhorne Folan notes that black women are just waiting. Waiting for that "good" black man to come and sweep them off their feet. The problem is, for many, that hasn't happened yet.   Langhorne Folan is not saying there are no good black men out there, she is just simply saying to explore all the options that are offered. It's a solution to consider entering 2011 and beyond.

But is this sound advice?  The stigmas that come with dating outside one’s race can bring emotional and social strife. Instances where women have been called "sellouts," or white-acting, are discussed in the article "Single Women Being Urged to Date Outside Their Race".

Love and the Black Woman would like to hear your thoughts.

Should black women stick to dating their own race, or should they branch out and explore? Should racial loyalty have precedence over self-preservation? 

Do you personally feel that racial loyalties in dating and marriage should be encouraged, or do you believe that it is best to explore those *other* possibilities out there?